I told you in my last post to stay tuned for what God spoke to my heart concerning my sins, mistakes, and failures as a mother. Before I share these words, take a moment to check in with your own heart. Do you often feel like a failure as a mom? Do you rehearse the mistakes over and over repeatedly asking God to forgive you? Do you wish you could turn back the hands of time so you might have a "do-over"? Are you wondering if God is able to override the damage you have done? Here's what the Spirit of God spoke to my heart concerning similar questions:
"Oh child, I know how your heart aches. I am so acquainted with the ache of longing for my children to live in freedom instead of bondage. Jan, can you trust Me? Have I shown Myself worthy of your trust? Lay down all your regrets-all the ways in which you rehearse your inadequacies, mistakes and sinfulness as it concerns your children. Place them all at the foot of My Cross-for I died for it all. Receive My forgiveness and entrust it all into My capable hands for I AM the great I AM. I AM the only One who can redeem all sin and use it for My purposes...No more talk or dwelling upon past sins--look only to the horizon and the future of what I will do for My glory. Rejoice that all your sin has been atoned for and nothing can thwart My purposes."
You might need to read this over several times, as I have done over the last several days, to allow it to sink deeply into your heart. I thought a lot about Rebekah, Jacob and Esau's mother. She must have wondered the very same things, especially as the story of her family continued.
If you're following along the Biblical story, read Genesis 27. In it is the next part of the story between Jacob and Esau and their parents. The favoritism mentioned in Genesis 25 is fully displayed as Isaac invites his favored son, Esau to hunt for game in order to satisfy his cravings and then he promises to "bless" him. When you read this, it seems straightforward, unless you know the back story. Commentators agree that Isaac deliberately ignores God's prophetic words, "the elder shall serve the younger" by promising blessing to Esau. And then there's Rebekah. An overly involved Jewish mama who enlists Jacob into deceiving Isaac. She assists in the ruse by preparing savory food, helping Jacob disguise himself as Esau, and Jacob boldly lies to his father about his true identity in order to receive his father's blessing. It's a story fraught with trickery, deception, favoritism, and family dysfunction that could have been scripted in any contemporary TV series!
Where does it lead? You'll have to wait for my next post to find out! In the mean time, I wonder if you can identify with Jacob's family? Maybe you grew up in a family that was plagued by similar sins of deceit, betrayal, and abuse. You may have spent your entire life feeling as though you were not your parents' favorite--and that pain lingers on. Or maybe you were favored by one parent and you still carry the "burden" of having to live up to expectations that are too high.
Or maybe you decided to "break the cycle" in your current family, only to later discover that you replicated some of the very same patterns you desperately tried to eradicate. I understand.
Take heart. God understands more than you know. Take a moment and re-read my journal entry above and spend some time talking with the LORD about your own situation.